This is the story of two becoming one
Dr and Mrs. Ademola Obajuluwa share their love story on two becoming one. Dr Ademola described in two words, dependable and consistent. Mrs. Itohan Obajuluwa on the other hand is loving and caring.
They share their story, wisdom, counsel and advise on singleness, courtship and marriage God’s way.
How did you meet? What attracted you, what sparked your interest?
Ademola: We met at church. We were just acquaintances initially. When The Lord brought Itohan to my attention, I was in a state of surrender and just asked God to remove all the distractions and help me to focus on pleasing Him. I had considered a few “sisters” but I had total peace the more I prayed about Itohan compared to any other person. The picture became clearer and clearer and I could hear God speaking to my heart clearly about her. Even though I was still learning how to hear from God, I had a sense of joy and assurance that I was moving in the right direction concerning Itohan and God confirmed it many times over. A major part of God’s confirmation came through the pastors and mentors over us. In terms of attraction, some of the major things that attracted us to each other were humility, we both loved God and had developed relationships with the Holy Spirit, we both loved worship and we both wanted to do relationships God’s way. We were tired of doing things the natural way. Her gentle and nurturing spirit as well as her inner and outer beauty also played a role.
Itohan: We met at church. We were led to each other by the Spirit of God and heard from God concerning the other person. However, we both also talked to people who knew the other person well and found out more about each other’s character. The more I learned about Ade’s character, the more I realized that this was the kind of man I was looking for….someone who was humble and down to earth, willing to help in any situation, kind, patient and loving.
What do you think you could have done differently as a single or in courtship that would enhance your marriage?
As singles, we wish we had built even stronger relationships with the Holy Spirit. The ability to hear and walk with the Holy Spirit is without question one of the most important things in life.
In courtship, we could have spent more time reading books, listening to messages about relationships and discussing many relationship issues. While we did a lot of this, there’s still so much to learn. In a way, you never finish learning but we feel that the more you learn before you get married, the better prepared you’ll be.
Considering your marriage experience, what is your advice to singles/ unmarried?
Be patient. Don’t rush. He that believes does not make haste. Isaiah 28:16
Be accountable to spiritual mentors.
Stay away from kissing when you’re dating, it only leads to wanting to do more.
Set spiritual goals and tackle spiritual projects together when you’re courting. As you see the results of those goals manifest, it gives you an image of what it’s like for two to walk together with God and to get real results. You move from theory to reality. This also empowers you to stay pure because you have something to do in the relationship…you are not idle, your relationship is not just about going to the movies and hanging out.
Did your spouse change from what he/she used to be before you got married? If yes, briefly describe the change?
We have both changed…for the better. We have become more patient with each other. We have also grown to see the other person as your “responsibility” in a way. You realize that you make a big difference in the other person’s life and happiness and you learn to value and manage that better every day.
Is marriage what you envisioned, are there any surprises?
There are some surprises. Many of them are funny in different ways but not in a bad way. We have learned about each other’s personal habits and patterns some of which only come to light once you’re in the intimate setting of marriage. Overall, marriage is what we envisioned but we still learn new things about each other every day.
Has your definition of Love or falling in Love changed since you got married?
We have grown in our understanding of love. We have realized more and more that true love is what you do when there’s sacrifice involved, when you don’t really want to, when you put the other person first even though it costs you. Yes, the emotional parts are still there but that is a small part of love. Love is a choice. A choice that needs to be made and remade every day.
Has your definition of commitment changed since you got married?
Our definition of commitment has not changed much since we got married. We have realized that commitment is not always going to be convenient. It might not be comfortable but it is rewarding. Commitment comes more easily when covenant is understood. Commitment means that there’s no back door, there’s no plan B, we are in this and will make it work no matter what.
Based on your experience of marriage would you still get into it if you were to do it all over again?
At what point (if you did) did you involve your friends, family, pastor or mentor selecting your spouse?
Our pastors and mentors were involved very early on but it is important to point out that the decisions were still ours. We chose each other based on what God showed us about each other. The advice and support of our pastors and mentors helped to confirm what God was doing and helped to give us direction and wisdom.
How did you know he/she was the one for you?
There is a long and a short answer to this. The short answer is that we both had peace and assurance in our hearts from God. We both saw the hand of God in orchestrating circumstances and situations in our lives to lead us to each other. Also, as stated above, we had several confirmations each step of the way including confirmation from our spiritual leaders. The confirmations along the way were important to assure us that we had not missed it. It’s like traveling by car to a city for example New York. You expect to see signs regularly telling you that there see xx number of miles to New York etc. if you begin to see signs talking about California, you need to examine your map or GPS and possibly turn back or find another route.
What was your courtship like?
Courtship was busy. We definitely tried to cover as much marriage and relationship related material as we could and got a lot of counseling but we still occasionally relaxed and did fun things together.
As always understand that marriage is a Journey that gets better over time once the governing principles are practice.
Love Always Toyosi Erogbogbo