My focus today is not to divorced couples, though I pray that they find restoration. For those with children, I pray that they understand the effect of divorce in the life of their children and look to extend forgiveness and grace towards their spouse. My focus today is to couples who have lost or misplaced their confidence in their marriage. Couples who are frustrated, tired and miserable. Couples who ask themselves constantly, “how did I get to this place in my marriage”? Couples who have lost hope in their marriage and want out.
You see many couples feel that their marriage is more of a burden than a blessing. As expressed by Jason who feels his marriage to Ashley was a mistake. Jason constantly asks himself how he ended up marrying Ashley. Ashley on the other hand is worried her marriage to Jason may not make it to their 3rd wedding anniversary. What happened to Jason and Ashley’s confidence, hope and trust in their marriage?
To couples struggling in marriage and seem to have lost hope, I say to you there is hope. To the Ashley’s and Jason’s who are not confident their marriage will make it to their next wedding anniversary, I want you to understand that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Oftentimes when couples struggle in marriage, it is because they have lost confidence in their spouse. Usually they have either consciously or subconsciously equated their confidence in marriage to their spouse’s ability to meet there needs. As such when expectations are not met by your spouse, your confidence in the marriage beginnings to waver. Couples start to feel that they can’t rely on their spouse and as such their confidence in the marriage is stifled.
Couples your confidence in your marriage should not be built on your spouse’s ability to meet or exceed your needs. Simply because they were not designed to bear that burden. Your spouse is great (I am sure of this), hence the reason you married them. However, your spouse does not have the ability to meet all your needs all the time. Your confidence in your marriage should be built on the person who can. Here are some ways to build confidence in Marriage:
Being confident of this very thing that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ – Philippians 1:6
- Confident that God is the source of your marriage: Couples since God started the work in your marriage, He and He alone will sustain your marriage. The husband is not the source neither is the wife. Couples need to consciously rely on God as the source of their marriage and not their spouse. No human being is self-sufficient and as such your spouse does not have the capacity to meet all your needs. Let your confidence in your marriage radiant from your trust and reliance in God and not your spouse.
- Confident that God is all powerful and able: Couples this is one area of building confidence in marriage that is very crucial. See sometimes your spouse is willing to go the extra mile but lacks the ability or means to get things done. This is the case of the husband who desperately wants to provide for his family but lacks the means. God is able to help and has the power to help. He knows about every detail in your marriage. Commit the situation into God’s hands. Understand that you can’t box God into a corner where He gets confused.
- Confident that God is a completer. God doesn’t not know how to leave projects uncompleted. He will never leave you stranded in your marriage neither will He leave you stranded in life. God is a completer and not just a finisher. This reality gave me so much confidence in my marriage knowing that God is not just a finisher, but a completer. To finish means to bring a task, activity or event to an end. It would have been awesome if God was just the finisher. The ability to see you through your marriage. However, God is a completer. To complete from scripture means, to make whole. To restore you to a state of perfection.
The day you lose your desire to fight for your marriage is the day divorce starts knocking on your door. Invest in your marriage, develop your character and watch your marriage flourish. Reality is that only you can make you happy and contentment is a first step to being happy in your marriage.
Always remember that Marriage is a Journey not a destination. It should get better over time if the governing principles are consistently applied.